Thursday, November 09, 2006

Bathmatwatch: Day 10

I strolled happily out of the front door today. The sun was shining, the street sweeper wasn’t due back for days, and Bathmatwatch had reached double figures. I trod my well-worn path right then left, then in one well-practised, fluid movement took my phone out of my pocket, slipped the lens cover back and lined up the viewfinder without breaking step.

But disaster! I had forgotten to switch my phone on!

Abort mission! Abort, abort!

Like a spy who is about to hand over the top secret microfilm, but then at the last moment spots that his handler’s cover has been blown, I had to just carry on walking, even though it would mean that the beautiful Russian woman who had hinted that she would like to have sexual intercourse with me would end up dead. Then a bit less like a spy I tried to remember my Pin and walk at the same time while it searched for the network.

I cannot believe that I had been so complacent. Less than a fortnight in and I had let my guard down. WWMCD – What would Martyn Colbeck do? He certainly wouldn’t ask the elephant if she would mind giving birth again as he’d forgotten to switch his camera on, would he? Admittedly the subject of my study is slightly more stationary than a herd of migrating pachyderms, but the principle still holds. If you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail.

I then had to risk everything by returning to the scene of my botched mission. I pretended to receive a phone call, then made a series of elaborate facial gestures that implied that someone had just asked me to return to my house for some reason. I looked at my watch, mouthed something more into my phone along the lines that it was a bit annoying that I was being asked to do this, but OK I would do it just this once, then turned around. There is no other way to do a U-turn on a pavement without looking like an idiot.

The bath mat is at a slight angle again – not as much as on Days 4 and 5, but there has also been a significant amount of leaf movement. There has been little wind here, so it’s possible that there has been some contact with a human or animal again.

If you have not already done so, please vote in the Great Bath Mat Survey in Day 9’s post below.