Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Things Abandoned on the Pavement Within 100 Yards of My Home That I Have Taken a Photograph of #2

Around where I live, people are quite good at recycling. Maybe not the big stuff like newspapers and bottles, but bits and pieces that we no longer need that are just slightly too good to throw away. When I got rid of my car I left the rubber mats out on the pavement and they were gone, if not in 60 seconds, then at most within 60 minutes. I like the fact that although my car is dead, its spirit lives on somehow. I just hope that they weren’t taken by a murderer who will claim that I drove his car on the night of the killing as my DNA is still on the mats. (The police can get your DNA from you just touching something now – I didn't masturbate on them or anything, and anyone who says I did is lying. And even if I did, the police don't already have a sample of my DNA to match it to, and anyone who says that they do is also lying – even more so than the first person.)

This, however, I don’t quite understand. When I first saw it I thought it must be a front door mat, that had perhaps been shaken and washed and left out to dry. But it’s actually a bath mat. And not a very nice one. I’m sure it had only been put out there yesterday, so it’s not as though weeks of rain have left it in this state.

It’s not like a bath mat is so big that at the end of its useful life you need the council to dispose of it for you – it would easily roll up and fit in any dustbin. So whoever put it out must have been leaving it for someone to take. I love the Bagpuss-like optimism that someone will pass by, see this manky bit of carpet, and say, “Oh that’s great, because we need a bath mat.”

I’m just sorry that I didn’t get to see the matching horseshoe-shaped mat that goes around the toilet. But I guess that the good stuff gets snapped up fast.