Monday, December 18, 2006

Funny Things That I Have Said That Really Deserved a Wider Audience #1

I do not often suffer from l'esprit de l'escalier (coming up with the right thing to say far too late). Instead, I suffer from something whereby I say funny things at exactly the right time, but to a particularly small, unappreciative or incomprehending audience.

Some time ago I was with a girlfriend who had a bit of a problem in her “lady area”. It was the kind of problem that can be cured with the help of natural yoghurt, so when we were out she popped into a shop and bought some Greek-style yoghurt. When she showed me her purchase, quick as a flash, I said, “Surely if it's Greek-style, you'd stick it up your arse”.

This is quite possibly the quickest that my wits have ever worked, but the audience was (a) just one person, (b) who didn't know the non-dairy product meaning of “Greek-style”, and (c) who wasn't in the best mood for laughing anyway, what with having a poorly front bottom.

How come Oscar Wilde never had this problem? Though I suppose that his partners never needed natural yoghurt...