Friday, March 02, 2007

Kitchen Sink Drama

It is said that all stories should have a beginning, a middle and an end. This can be traced back to Aristotle, who, in The Poetics, wrote, “A beginning is that which is not itself necessarily after anything else, and which has naturally something else after it; an end is that which is naturally after something itself, either as its necessary or usual consequent, and with nothing else after it; and a middle, that which is by nature after one thing and has also another after it.”

Here is last weekend in the form of what screenwriting gurus now refer to as The Three Act Structure:

ACT I – set-up
“These cupboards will look great. I wonder why I don’t do DIY more often.”

ACT II – conflict
“SHIT FUCK SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK AAAAAGH!!!”

“Are you all right?”

“DON’T COME IN!!! Er, can you get me some plasters? And some Polyfilla? Lots of Polyfilla.”

ACT III – resolution
“These cupboards look great. I wonder why I don’t do DIY more often.”

DIY is the closest that men get to the experience of childbirth. To keep the human race/Homebase in existence, as soon as it’s over our brains release a chemical that instantly makes us forget how awful, painful and bloody the whole thing was and instead makes us lovingly coo over our babies/cupboards and immediately start planning to have another baby/knock through into the living room.

Of course, when Aristotle said that there is nothing after an end, Ancient Greece had yet to form the concept of the sequel. This weekend: Spur Socket – The Fusebox Strikes Back.