Monday, March 19, 2007

What's in a Name?

Dear Sir/Madam,

I know that 6997 Baby Names isn’t quite as snappy a title, but please, for the love of God, will you remove the following boys’ names from your book:

– Adolf. The poor kid is going to hear That Question for the rest of his life. Yes, “Do you spell that with an F or a P-H?” Oh, and the Hitler stuff. OK, so Stalin didn’t ruin Joseph for everyone, but then Jesus’ stepfather kind of balanced things out a bit there.

– Gaylord. Hahahaha. Even now I am laughing about how funny it would have been if I had been to school with a kid called Gaylord. It is a million times worse than Adolf. At least if you got a little bit of stick about the whole Third Reich thing you could retort by saying, “Actually, it means “noble wolf”, and what about Adolphe Sax who invented the saxophone, or Adolf Dassler, who founded Adidas? Everyone loves saxophones and trainers, so that is nearly as good as being Jesus’ stepfather.”

– Iaian. What? Seriously, what? Iain condemns you to a lifetime of “That’s I-A-I­-N”. Iaian would leave you with irritable vowel syndrome. What next? Iaiain? Iaiaian? Iaiaiaiaiaiaiaiain? Each time you gave your name over the phone it would sound like you were singing Old MacDonald. At least there is only one way of spelling Gaylord.

Yours faithfully,

Salvadore Vincent