Thursday, May 22, 2008

Sugar Daddy

Like many other Apprentice-watchers I am somewhat mystified by the continued presence of Michael Sophocles. But on a recent visit to the BBC I found the following transcript from the final show, which I think reveals everything.


INT. BOARDROOM – DAY.

    Sir Alan, Nick and Margaret are on one side of the table. Michael Sophocles and [NAME DELETED] are on the other side.
        SIR ALAN
      Michael – why should I hire you?

        SOPHOCLES
      Sir Alan, I’m a good Jewish boy.

        SIR ALAN
      Are you?!

        SOPHOCLES
      Well, half-Jewish. I never knew my gentile father though. My mother said that he was driven to suicide in the 1980s when his range of cheap personal computers was ruthlessly undercut by Amstrad. Amstrads had crappy 3” disk drives for fuck’s sake, yet everyone bought them instead. You killed my father. Well now you’re “fired”.
    Sophocles points a gun at Sir Alan.

    Margaret looks shocked.
        SIR ALAN
      You’re not half-Jewish.

        SOPHOCLES
      I am! I am! I’m half-Jewish!

        SIR ALAN
      You’re not half-Jewish. You’re 100% Jewish.

        SOPHOCLES
      You killed my father!

        SIR ALAN
      No Michael. I am your father.
    Margaret looks shocked.
        SIR ALAN
      That’s right – you’re sired. Sired by me.

        SOPHOCLES
      COME ON!
    Sophocles bangs the table then vaults over it and embraces Sir Alan.

    Margaret looks shocked.
        [NAME DELETED]
      Um, is it even worth mentioning that I won this task? No? OK, I'll just fire myself. Frances - could you call me a cab please?