Monday, February 23, 2009

Cradle of Filth's Rejected Band Names

As research for a script I found myself on YouTube listening to Heaven 17's Temptation. It's a fantastic song, and the experience was only slightly marred by the comments proclaiming that Cradle of Filth's version is better. Aside from the fact that it isn't, there is also the fact that Cradle of Filth have the worst, most pathetically obvious trying-to-shock name in the whole history of music. All they have done is taken something nice (cradle) and immediately juxtaposed it with something nasty (filth).

Here are some of the names they rejected:

Mug of Sewage

Kitten Basket of Snot

Cushion of Fishguts

Chocolate Box of Grime

Pram of Excrement

Fruitbowl of Dirtiness

Paddling Pool of Rubbish

Biscuit Barrel of Slime

Christmas Stocking of Industrial Effluence

Vase of Diarrhoea


Müller Fruit Corner of Vomit

any more?

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Funny Things That I Have Said That Really Deserved a Wider Audience #4

Last night I was watching Newsnight. Gavin Esler was telling us about the risk of catching diseases from infected blood products.

GAVIN: "We speak to a man who has HIV, hepatitis C and fears he may also have vCJD."

ME: "That's a tough Scrabble rack."

Sadly, my only audience was two teddy bears and a puppet dog.

Friday, February 13, 2009

The Neverending Neverending Story

I am hard at work trying to trim a script down to the required length. Altering margins and text size is not allowed, so I have to do it the old-fashioned way: shortening all the descriptions by a word at a time to make them a line shorter in the hope that the widow/orphan control will then shuffle the whole script up by half a page. OK, and actually cutting some bits.

It could be worse. I could be working on this:

(Yes, in the time it took me to make that I could have cut another page.)

(Previously available on b3ta.)

Thursday, February 12, 2009

25 Things About Me

1. I can't count.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Bestest Song Ever

I don't usually post links to things I've found elsewhere as there are plenty of other sites that do that, but I've got a couple of deadlines this week so might not manage to write anything else. Plus this is a great response to anyone who moans that children's television isn't as good as it was in their day. I had no involvement in it so can give a totally impartial 100% guarantee that it will put a smile on your face.

Charlie and Lola - Bestest in the Barn
Thanks to b3ta for the tip-off.