Thursday, September 30, 2010

Things That I Will Probably Never Get Round to Doing #2: DoILookLikeSimonOrNot

I have a good friend called Simon, who moved back to Australia in 2002. He has a very distinctive square-ish shaped face, a thick dark crew cut with a precisely demarcated hairline, and rectangular glasses. Soon after he’d left, something strange started happening: I kept seeing people who looked like him. London seemed to be full of Caucasian men in their early 30s with distinctive square-ish shaped faces, thick dark crew cuts with precisely demarcated hairlines and rectangular glasses. It was like he’d died, and my poor bereaved brain kept seeing him everywhere. It was amazing how many people looked like him – even my girlfriend agreed when we saw one of them when we were out together, so I am not mental or anything. There is a possibility that I was just seeing the same man over and over again, who was probably getting quite annoyed with me staring at him and nearly saying “Simon, what are you... oh” every time I saw him, but I was pretty sure that Simon had multiple doppelgangers, perhaps all over the world.

So my idea was to set up a website called DoILookLikeSimonOrNot.com, along the same lines as AmIHotOrNot etc, where people (preferably Caucasian men in their early 30s with distinctive square-ish shaped faces, thick dark crew cuts with precisely demarcated hairlines and rectangular glasses) would send in photos of themselves, and other people would judge, against a pre-loaded photo of Simon, how much they looked liked Simon. Then, when I had enough ranked photos I would make Simon a big framed picture, with his photo in the middle, then the eight people who looked most like him arranged around him, then the next 16 people who looked most like him arranged around that in a 5x5 square.

But I’m a bit busy.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Things That I Will Probably Never Get Round to Doing #1: White Line

The stones on Brighton beach are predominantly of three colours – red, white and blue. What I want to do is to separate out whole skipfuls of the white stones, then at the lowest spring tide to dig a trench perpendicular to the sea, all the way from the lowest wave ebb up to the road, and then fill it up with all the white stones.

On a continuation of this line, a camera would be mounted high up on a building looking out to sea over the beach. Then I would take a long time-lapse series of photos over many days, charting the increasing entropy of the stones as the combination of wave action and people walking on them mixed them all back up again until all traces of the white line were gone.

This film would then be called White Line, and it would represent our powerlessness to control nature and impose order on the world.

But I’m a bit busy.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Saturday, September 04, 2010

LOL IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!

Someone in my block of flats has thrown away an unwanted helium balloon, but look! It has risen from the dead!